My eyes are ever on the Lord , for only he will release my feet from the snare.
Psalm 25:15 NIV
I highlighted this verse at some point in my life but reading it this morning felt like the first time. I am caught in several "snares" right now. Some I've stepped right into because I'm stubborn and a "recovering" human (like my friend Joan calls it). Others are just the result of this broken world we live in. The result is the same. Once snared I feel trapped, helpless, hurt, and stuck. All attempts to remove myself from the snare just cause more pain and frustration because I CAN NOT free myself. It's not even my responsibility! I see now that many of my struggles come from taking on responsibilities that are God's, not mine. The Psalmist reminds me this morning that there is only one way to freedom. No matter how much I think I can control or figure out in this life, the truth is, only God can free my foot from the snare. Keeping my eyes on Him means that I have to trust Him to free me and trust His timing. It means I have to stop fighting so hard to free myself. It means I have to stop worrying about my kids and not try to micromanage them. It means I have to make better choices with how I spend my money. It means I have to stop taking on problems that aren't mine to solve. It could mean something totally different for you. But the result of keeping our eyes on Him is always the same. Peace, healing, freedom.
Rescue, release, freedom. Sounds good.
Where are my eyes? Reveal to me the times I am not looking to you and I should be. What's in my line of sight that's blocking me from seeing you? I need to either remove it or step around it so that I can see you clearly. Who am I kidding? I may not be able to move it. I may need to ask you to remove it for me. And then trust that you will. I have this picture in my mind where I'm standing in kind of a warehouse. About 10 feet in front of me is a shadowy something that represents all the things I fix my gaze on, focus on, give attention to. It's bigger than me. I can't see through it. I don't know for sure but it seems like it's heavy. Immovable. If I lean over to the right or left I see about 10ft past the shadowy something that Jesus is standing there. Waiting. He won't rush up and remove the shadowy something unless I ask. It dawns on me that all I have to do to get to Him is walk around the thing. Shift my gaze. Change my focus. Look beyond. I've read countless blogs, devotions and advice telling me that my circumstances aren't bigger than God. I get that concept. I just never got this picture of how the things that distract my gaze, my focus & my heart are not only keeping me stuck where I am but also blocking me from God. I'm allowing my kids, my marriage, my money, my friendships, my health, my family - my fear - to block me from what God wants to do FOR me. That's why I feel stuck. I think I've believed the lie that I have to deal with the shadowy something before I have access to Jesus. That's what the enemy wants me to believe. Truth...if I just run toward Jesus and past the shadowy somethings, He will be there. Every time.
Snares. Traps. Plenty of them in my life. What are they Lord? Trapped by fear of being abandoned and alone. Trapped by fear that my kids will suffer and are beyond the reach of God. Which is just stupid. But the enemy whispers into my heart all the ways I've failed them and Greg. He attacks my faith and I fall into the trap of believing I'm not enough and I need to make things right. I'm trapped/snared by wanting approval of others. So I overthink everything I do and doubt things I know to be true because of fear. Fear that I'll bve rejected. That's a lie the enemy has told me for years. I'm unwanted. I wasn't wanted when I was born. I wasn't wanted when my bio dad left us. I wasn't wanted when my paternal family cut off all contact with me because of a choice my mom made. I wasn't wanted by my stepdad's family because I was white and not his daughter. I wasn't wanted when my husband had an affair. And the enemy has whispered to my heart every single time I've been rejected - "it's your fault. If you were good enough, pretty enough, funny enough, smart enough, skinny enough, nice enough - if you were just enough - they wouldn't have left you." So I live in fear and work for the approval of those around me. Snared by fear. Trapped by fear. And the PSalmist says only the Lord will release me from the snare.
Comments